We’ve come a long way as a society in how we view and deal with Intimate Partner Violence. Hitting an intimate partner is no longer considered acceptable. We’ve even come to recognize non-physical forms of abuse like Coercive Control and Emotional Battery.

Victims of Intimate Partner Violence are more visible and well understood than they were just a decade ago.

But there is another form of Intimate Partner Violence that is hard to detect, prevalent, and overlooked – Financial Abuse.

Financial Abuse is the use of a person’s money or finances without their knowledge or consent to gain power and control over that person. This is sometimes called Financial Exploitation.

This form of abuse often goes hand in hand with other forms of Intimate Partner Violence because the cycle of violence typically starts with isolating the victim and building barriers to them leaving.

Forms of Financial Abuse

Financial Abuse can take four primary forms. A victim may experience all, some, or just one of these.

Control without Consent

The essence of Financial Abuse is control of money and financial resources without consent.

The abuser exercises unilateral decision-making around financial resources without the victim’s freely given consent.

The victim may have restricted access or no access to financial information or assets. The abuser may use intimidation tactics or threaten a blowout argument when discussing finances to exert control.

They may even threaten physical violence if the victim does not go along with their demands around money.

Forced Economic Dependency

This is classic first step in the cycle of violence and often involves the abuser preventing the victim from earning their own money by cutting off access to employment. In other cases, the abuser may confiscate the victim’s earnings. 

Often, credit cards, bank accounts, and investments are either in the abuser’s sole name or joint name with no way for the victim to access information or funds.

Manipulative Use of Funds

Because the abuser controls the money in the household, they may use that control to manipulate the behavior of their victim.

For example, the abuser may put the victim on an “allowance” which the abuser controls.

By controlling how much money their partner has access to at any given time, the abuser can exert control over their movements and ability to set aside resources to leave.

Misuse or Abuse of Joint Assets or Credit

Finally, an abuser may coerce their victim into taking on debt in the victim’s name. In particularly bad cases, the victim’s credit may be destroyed, which further limits their ability to leave the relationship.

The abuser may also take loans collateralized by jointly owned assets, like the family home, without the victim’s feely given consent.

Consequences For the Victim

Victims of Financial Abuse can face very real and tangible consequences in the form of poor credit, years spent out of the workforce, no access to employment income, no access to cash, no access to retirement savings, and no access to credit.

This combination makes for a victim who likely can’t easily leave and who will be at a significant disadvantage in a divorce proceeding.

But the consequences are more far-reaching.

A victim of Financial Abuse may develop feeling of deep inadequacy and believe they can’t successfully earn, manage, or handle money. These beliefs can be crippling; especially if the relationship ends.

Further, a victim of Financial Abuse, cannot determine their own fate. Their world can become very small, very limited, and suffocating. A victim may feel that he or she has nothing to look forward to no matter what they do.

Worst of all, if that person finds themselves facing a divorce, that divorce may feel like a life-threatening catastrophe because they do not feel equipped to get a fair settlement or stand on their own.

Surviving and Thriving After Financial Abuse

Fighting Back Against Financial Abuse

You may be reading this article and thinking that you know and love someone who may be a victim of Financial Abuse. And you may be wondering how you can help. 

First, understand that they may not know they are a victim of abuse.

They may believe that what is happening to them is normal.

Second, understand that if the abuse has been ongoing for many years, they may believe many things about themselves that aren’t true, and they may be fearful of even trying to change their circumstances.

As with the victim of any type of Intimate Partner Violence, the best thing you can do is to point out that what is happening isn’t ok, that the abuse is not their fault, and that you are there to help them change their circumstances when they are ready.

Anyone who has experienced abuse of any sort can tell you that leaving can feel impossible and it may take multiple attempts to break free.

You may also be reading this article and thinking that you may be a victim of Financial Abuse. If that’s you, hear me when I say, what happened to you isn’t your fault, you deserve better, and you can leave.

The first step in leaving is building a network of support.

That might mean looking for resources in your community for Domestic Violence survivors. It might look like telling a trusted friend what is happening to you. Or it might look like educating yourself on your family’s finances and demanding access to resources.

Much of the work needed to prepare to leave can be done well before you ever inform your partner that you want a divorce. A Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA®) Professional with experience navigating Financial Abuse cases can be an important resource for you if you are trying to get ready to leave; and your physical safety is not at risk.

If your physical safety or life is at risk, please work with law enforcement, a qualified Domestic Violence Counselor, and / or your Family Law Attorney to find a safe way to leave.

No one should ever have to tolerate being coerced, controlled, deprived of resources, or manipulated into giving up control of their money.

Everyone deserves the opportunity to be aware of, engaged with, and have access to their family’s financial resources.

Want to learn more about how a CDFA® can help?

Click here to schedule your free one-hour consultation

VK2025-0919